I am reposting this article from last year as I think it’s worth repeating!
It’s been six years since my dad died…unless you ask my sister, who says it’s been 7. Oh sure, we can do the math – and each of us did. Her math is 7, mine is 6. How far do I push it? How important is it for me to be right? In this conversation, not enough to push at all.
In the humanness of having an ego, having self-doubt and self-confidence, I have the same desire you do – to be right. I prove myself right in those conversations (internal and external) where I’ve thrown down the gauntlet (which usually happens with words like “always” and “never”). As an example, when I’m telling myself, “I always gain weight on vacation” – then eating the bread pudding after a full dinner makes fine sense. And, phew, I return home having gained weight. I was right. It’s not conscious, or at least not all the time. We drop the gauntlet, then we protect our “rightness” with actions that we scratch our heads about later. It is important to be right – it holds our egos in their comfortable role of supporting who we are in the world.
What happens next? What if the message you have running in your mind sounds like this – “I don’t deserve to be happy in every facet of my life. No one is truly happy with their whole life.”? Uh oh. There’s that gauntlet again. Now I’ve got the most amazing partner, a career I’m passionate about, and friends and family that add joy and depth in my life. Isn’t that idyllic?
When I come to the awareness of it, and it collides with being right about deserving happiness, something gives. Perhaps I make a crazy error at work, or find a nitpicking thing in my significant other or dig up an old family wound. Well that feels better – now I am right! I’m miserable, but I’m right!
Sheesh – on paper it is so clear that’s now what I really want. If you agree, then make a move on it. Start small. Listen to the messages running through your mind. Where are the places you are “enjoying” being right, no matter how awful it feels? When you hear it, shift the message. “I deserve utter and complete bliss in my life.” Everyone does. Keep saying it.