After months of trying to get pregnant and finally having success, there is nothing more crushing than to find out the pregnancy is no longer viable. For whatever reason, your body has miscarried and there is nothing you can do to stop the process, leaving you feeling guilty, helpless, grief-stricken, and alone. But I want to let you know that you are not alone. Miscarriages are a very common occurrence. In fact, one statistic states that 1 out of 4 women will miscarry a pregnancy. It’s just usually not talked about, so we don’t fully realize how often this can happen, especially with first term pregnancies.
I had my own personal experience with miscarriage late last year. It was in the very early days of my pregnancy just as I was finally starting to get excited – and finally starting to believe I was actually pregnant. It was strange though – I had heard many stories about women feeling ill or nauseous and I barely experienced any symptoms like that. I was actually feeling great, albeit a little tired. And that’s when it happened. After going for a walk on my lunch, I started to get bloated and some major cramps set in. These felt different from the cramps I usually experienced from my period. So, I knew something was wrong. The next day the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant while simultaneously delivering the difficult news. I had experienced a miscarriage.
While a miscarriage is a very emotional experience, it is also confirmation that we can get pregnant. So, I want to share some tips I learned through my experience to help you recover and rebuild both physically and emotionally.
First, and most importantly, talk about it. In Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Upside of Stress, she talks about the importance of sharing stories to not only help yourself, but to help others who may be experiencing a similar type of stress. This is extremely important for women who may be suffering from guilt and grief in silence in order to maintain a strong and confident appearance at work. You do not need to suffer alone, and in fact, chatting with close family or friends about your experience is likely to encourage others to share their experiences. I was surprised to find out that many women I know had experienced a miscarriage. Once I shared my story, then they opened up about their own experience. And these are all women who went on to have beautiful, healthy children.
Be compassionate with yourself. As I was awaiting the results from the doctor, my gut reaction was to ask myself “did I do something wrong?”. I started running through the past few days in my head to see if there was something I may have done that could have triggered the miscarriage. As the doctor explained to me, the reality is, if the pregnancy is not a viable one, then the body will miscarry it. There is nothing I could have done differently. And this would be the same for any other woman. This is a natural process of the body. So, be compassionate with yourself and try not to assign any blame.
This is an emotional experience so allow yourself some time to grieve. The day after I received the news from the doctor I decided to go back to work. I had rationalized everything in my brain and I thought I could just get back into the swing of things. But that wasn’t the case. I would find myself in tears for no reason at all. And the backache was so terrible that I had a hard time concentrating at work. So, I decided to stop suppressing my feelings and took a couple of days off. I allowed myself the time to grieve and recover. It was only when I did this that I truly started to recover both physically and emotionally.
There are a wide variety of symptoms for pregnancy, and not every woman will experience the same symptoms. Even some light bleeding at the beginning can be considered normal. However, there is one symptom that is commonly associated with a miscarriage that is not associated with an early pregnancy. That is a backache. My back hurt more than I have ever experienced before. One of the best remedies for this type of back pain is heat. You can get a hot water bottle and put it on your back, or have a hot bath with some Epsom salts. You can also try acupuncture or cupping for pain relief. If you’re experiencing chocolate cravings with the back pain it is possible that your body is looking for magnesium, which is a natural muscle relaxer. So I recommend supplementing with some magnesium bisglycinate.
Lastly, although this is a difficult time and it may be tempting to reach for comfort foods, what the body really needs is high quality nutrition to help you recover. Allow yourself one indulgence if you’d like, and then slowly start reducing the comforting carbs. Start increasing healthy fats, like grass-fed butter or Camelina oil which are great sources of Omega 3 fats. These types of fats have an anti-inflammatory effect on the body. This will also help to reduce your back pain. Fat is also important for making the sex hormones that we require for pregnancy. So, getting lots of healthy fats into your diet now will not only help you reduce inflammation and recover, but it will also help to prepare your body for when you’re ready to get pregnant.
While a miscarriage is a very emotional experience, it is also confirmation that we can get pregnant. So, I want to share some tips I learned through my experience to help you recover and rebuild (both physically and emotionally).
First, and most importantly, talk about it. In Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Upside of Stress, she talks about the importance of sharing stories to not only help yourself, but to help others who may be experiencing a similar type of stress. This is extremely important for women who may be suffering from guilt and grief in silence in order to maintain a strong and confident appearance at work. You do not need to suffer alone, and in fact, chatting with close family or friends about your experience is likely to encourage others to share their experiences. I was surprised to find out that many women I know had experienced a miscarriage. Once I shared my story, then they opened up about their own experience. And these are all women who went on to have beautiful, healthy children.
Be compassionate with yourself. As I was awaiting the results from the doctor, my gut reaction was to ask myself “did I do something wrong?”. I started running through the past few days in my head to see if there was something I may have done that could have triggered the miscarriage. As the doctor explained to me, the reality is, if the pregnancy is not a viable one, then the body will miscarry it. There is nothing I could have done differently. And this would be the same for any other woman. This is a natural process of the body. So, be compassionate with yourself and try not to assign any blame.
This is an emotional experience so allow yourself some time to grieve. The day after I received the news from the doctor I decided to go back to work. I had rationalized everything in my brain and I thought I could just get back into the swing of things. But that wasn’t the case. I would find myself in tears for no reason at all. And the backache was so terrible that I had a hard time concentrating at work. So, I decided to stop suppressing my feelings and took a couple of days off. I allowed myself the time to grieve and recover. It was only when I did this that I truly started to recover both physically and emotionally.
Try a heat pack for your back. There are a wide variety of symptoms for pregnancy, and not every woman will experience the same symptoms. Even some light bleeding at the beginning can be considered normal. However, there is one symptom that is commonly associated with a miscarriage that is not associated with an early pregnancy. That is a backache. My back hurt more than I have ever experienced before. One of the best remedies for this type of back pain is heat. You can get a hot water bottle and put it on your back, or have a hot bath with some Epsom salts. You can also try acupuncture or cupping for pain relief. If you’re experiencing chocolate cravings with the back pain it is possible that your body is looking for magnesium, which is a natural muscle relaxer. So I recommend supplementing with some magnesium bisglycinate.
Lastly, although this is a difficult time and it may be tempting to reach for comfort foods, what the body really needs is high quality nutrition to help you recover. Allow yourself one indulgence if you’d like, and then slowly start reducing the comforting carbs. Start increasing healthy fats, like grass-fed butter or Camelina oil which are great sources of Omega 3 fats. These types of fats have an anti-inflammatory effect on the body. This will also help to reduce your back pain. Fat is also important for making the sex hormones that we require for pregnancy. So, getting lots of healthy fats into your diet now will not only help you reduce inflammation and recover, but it will also help to prepare your body for when you’re ready to get pregnant.
